A Game of Stars, a Storm of Lasers
Brace yourself for the stupidest fan theory yet. Forget ‘James Bond is just a codename, and all the different actors just represent different agents’. Forget ‘all Ubisoft games take place in the same universe’. Heck, forget ‘at this point, Michael Bay is straight fucking with us’. This is gonna blow your minds:
Game of Thrones takes place on a Dyson sphere.
As in, Game of Thrones is set on the interior surface of an artificial sphere, constructed around a sun by advanced beings.
Anyone who’s seen the credits knows what I’m talking about – the ‘map’ of Westeros is clearly a concave bowl-shape, with a tiny sun moving over it; this is a section of a very small Dyson sphere. I’m assuming the sun is some new form of yellow dwarf star, or else Tyrion would have a nice 27000-degree tan.
There is some mechanism within the dwarf star, represented thematically by the metal bands in the title sequence, that creates day, night and the seasons. Over time, this mechanism has worn down, causing the abnormal seasons of Westeros. The stars in the night sky are drifting particles in the low-gravity upper atmosphere (okay, I’m reaching a bit there, but hear me out).
The people of Westeros were presumably placed there, by a benevolent alien race or a highly evolved future human race, as a ‘backup copy’ of homo sapiens. They would be concealed from alien raiders and protected from gamma-ray bursts and asteroids almost indefinitely; they would be safe to have political intrigue and gratuitous sex for millions of years!
Magic, psychic abilities, and probably dragons and direwolves and such, are the products of advanced nanotechnology, genetic engineering, and other super-technologies built into the Dyson sphere itself.
If the sphere is meant to keep humans safe until they once again develop spaceflight, the White Walkers and other supernatural threats are the remnants of futuristic weapons, probably nanotechnological in nature, that have invaded the Dyson sphere at some point.
If the Dyson sphere is meant to preserve medieval-era humans indefinitely, the White Walkers – and the long winters themselves – are deliberately caused by the sphere’s technologies, to enforce a regular ‘die-back’ in the sphere’s population, and thus prevent them from developing past the medieval stage (democracy, guns and condoms cut down on Drama significantly).
The First Men are so revered because they had access, somehow, to pieces of futuristic technology – ‘magic was once a great force in the world’, remember. The Old Gods are probably the beings who built the Dyson sphere – either aliens, or futuristic humanity.
The size of this Dyson sphere, which we can determine (based on the credits sequence) to be perhaps a little larger than Earth, means that its construction would be very possible for even a Kardashev Type-2 civilization! So it is entirely possible that everyone’s favourite dwarf, murder-shapeshifter and whiny albino girl are adventuring just a few thousand years into our future!
…Shut up. It’s totally plausible.
Anyway, from now on I will believe that Game of Thrones is science fiction, pretending to be fantasy.
Which is a little depressing, because that’s like Scarlett Johanssen pretending to be Rosie O’Donnell.